What Hurts the Most: a PruCan Fanfiction
by Conan-Edelstein
Summary: The loss of a lover leaves one's heart never truely whole again.  It leaves you cold and empty, with a sense of unreality. It leaves you alone. Alone in the safe asylum of your mind, with nothing but your memories of them to keep you sane. PruCan.


"NO! YOU'RE LYING!" The blond teenager screamed, his violet eyes filling up with tears.

His brother, a dark blond haired teenager with baby blue eyes and glasses bowed his head slightly. "It's true Mattie... He's gone."

Matthew stood there, shaking violently, his chest heaving. Tears spilled out of his eyes and down his face, blurring his vision.

"I'm so sorry Mattie.." His brother said softly.

Matthew's eyes suddenly darkened and he picked up the nearest object-a book- and picked it up, his expression contorted with rage and grief.

"SHUT UP! JUST... JUST SHUT UP!" He hurled the book at his brother, missing his face by centimeters.

"M-MATTIE WHAT THE HELL!" His brother covered his head with his arms and staggered back, his baby-blue eyes huge.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Matthew reached for another object to throw. "You're glad he's dead, aren't you!" His eyes were blazing.

His brother stared at him in horror. "Wh-"

"SAY IT, ALFRED!" Matthew screamed, lunging at his brother. "You've always hated him, I KNOW IT! JUST SAY IT ALREADY-" He was suddenly grabbed from behind by someone, and dragged back from his brother.

"Matteau! Arrêtez l'alarme!" The Canadian froze, his eyes widening. A few moments later he collapsed in on himself, sobbing uncontrollably.

Francis, the person who had stopped Matthew, turned him around and hugged the Canadian tightly, his blue eyes dull with grief.

"It's true... Gilbert's gone." He said softly to the sobbing teen.

"No... No he can't be... No... _No..._"

- _Seven Hours Earlier_-

"Slow _down_already Gil!" Matthew laughed, his blond hair whipping around his face from the wind gusting through the open passenger window on his boyfriend's truck.

Gilbert, a tall albino with messy silver hair, crimson eyes and a contagious grin laughed and put his arm around Matthew, his other hand gripping the steering wheel. "Why? We're the only ones on the road, Mattie!"

"S-still!" Matthew gasped, watching the countryside speed past. "The speed limit's only 60 along here! Y-you're going at least 80!"

Gilbert chuckled and slowed down, his crimson eyes brimming with amusement. "What, ya scared of going fast?"

"N-no!" Matthew blushed furiously and Gilbert laughed.

"I'm just teasin' ya, birdie... Where do you wanna stop?" the Albino grinned at the Canadian, who smiled shyly back.

"R-right there..." Matthew pointed out a stretch of field with a hill rising up from it a little ways ahead.

"Alright~" Gilbert pulled over to the side of the road and turned the ignition off, and opened his door. "C'mon!" He grinned, slammed the car door shut and started running towards the field.

Matthew gasped and opened his door and climbed out, closing it carefully behind him before he ran after Gilbert. His boyfriend's hair was glowing white gold in the late afternoon sunlight, and his laughter echoed back to him from the hilltop. Matthew struggled up the hill and collapsed against Gilbert, gasping for breath and giggling.

"N-no fair! I wasn't ready!"

Gilbert smiled and tilted Matthew's chin up, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Do ya wanna have a rematch?"

The Canadian smiled softly, shaking his head. "No.. Let's stay here."

"Alright." the Albino smiled back, wrapping his arms around the Canadian. He then leaned in and kissed Matthew on the lips.

The Canadian sighed and wrapped his arms around Gilbert's neck, kissing him back. It was moments like these that Matthew treasured the most, moments when him and Gilbert could escape from the ugly reality of life, and spend time together alone away from it all. A few moments later they broke apart, still holding each other.

"I love you Mattie..." Gilbert said softly, hugging the Canadian close.

Matthew hugged Gilbert back, burying his face into his shoulder. "I love you too Gil..."

The stayed in that field for hours, laughing and chasing each other around, the sun shining down on them.

Alfred watched his brother, his eyes dull. He didn't even react when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder, and only nodded when someone murmured in his ear to come with him. He let the person-a teen with messy blond hair and emerald eyes-guide him out of the room, his head bowed slightly. He had never, in his entire life, seen Matthew act that way. _Ever_.

It was as if someone else had taken his brother's place for a moment, letting out all his rage and grief.

Alfred looked over his shoulder at Matthew, who was still sobbing uncontrollably, Francis holding him close and murmuring words of comfort.

He knew then that nothing would ever be the same again.

-_Three Months Later_-

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
>That don't bother me...<em>

Matthew woke to the sound of rain hitting his bedroom window. He slowly sat up, his eyes still dull with grief. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday, a plain red hoodie and a pair of faded jeans.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out  
>I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though<br>Going on with you gone still upsets me..._

Slowly, Matthew pushed the covers off of him and got up, putting his glasses on. He shuffled out of his bedroom and down the hall, his eyes shadowed over. He walked downstairs, down another hall, and walked into the kitchen, where his brother was already there, his head stuck into the fridge.

Alfred looked up at the sound of Matthew walking in and grinned at him. "Hey Mattie, you slept in today!"

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
>But that's not what gets me...<em>

Matthew forced a smile and walked up to the toaster, grabbing a slice of bread from the open loaf as he passed it. "Y-yes... I was late getting to sleep last night..." He dropped the slice of bread into the toaster and pushed it down, staring at the glowing red wires inside of it blankly.

_What hurts the most,  
>Was being so close...<br>And having so much to say,  
>And watching you walk away...<em>

He just stood there, his head bowed slightly. He didn't even react when his toast popped up. He just stood there, lost in his memories. He slowly looked up at the calendar tacked up on the wall adjacent to him, and felt his heart sink. Today would have been his and Gilbert's three year anniversary... If the albino was still alive... His throat closed up and he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down his face.

_And never knowing...  
>What could've been...<br>And not seeing that loving you,  
>Is what I was trying to do...<em>

He tore his eyes away from the calendar and turned, running out of the kitchen. Ignoring Alfred's shout in surprise, he ran out of the house and down the street, ignoring the icy cold rain that pounded down on him. He ran blindly down the rain-drenched streets, not really knowing where he was going.

Anywhere was better than that house... The house full of memories that continuously came back to haunt him.

_What hurts the most  
>Was being so close<br>And having so much to say  
>And watchin' you walk away<em>

And never knowing...  
>What could've been...<br>And not seeing that loving you,  
>Is what I was trying to do...<p>

Matthew stumbled and fell, landing on cool, wet grass. He lay there, sobbing uncontrollably, as memories played out their horrible dance in his mind...

_"How did he die...?" Matthew wiped his tears away with a shaky hand, looking up at Francis._

The Frenchman bowed his head, forcing himself to stay strong for Matthew's sake. "He was in a car accident with three other vehicles.. None of the people involved survived the trip to the hospital... The doctors told me that Gilbert died instantly when the cars collided... They said he was in no pain whatsoever."

Matthew choked out a sob and hugged himself, shivering violently.

Francis let out a shaky sigh and pulled an object out of his jacket pocket. "They found this in his pocket..." He reached out and placed it in Matthew's hand. "I know that he would've wanted you to have it."

Matthew looked down at the object and started sobbing uncontrollably, holding it to his heart.

The object was a silver ring with a golden maple leaf mounted on the top, with a diamond on either side of it.

It was an engagement ring.

Matthew blinked the rain and tears out of his eyes, staring down at his left hand. Ever since that day, he hadn't taken that ring off, not even to shower. It glimmered on his ring finger, raindrops collecting in the maple leaf like they did in the wild.

He slowly sat up, holding his left hand to his heart, looking around him in surprise.

He was in the graveyard where Gilbert was buried.

Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet and shuffled over to a simple headstone at the foot of a maple tree. He knelt in front of it, reading the writing that was still legible:

_**"Gilbert Beilschmidt  
>January 18th, 1990 - August 13th, 2010.<br>'Du wirst immer geliebt und in Erinnerung bleiben.'"**_

Matthew let out a shaky sigh and ran a hand over the writing, his bottom lip trembling.

_What hurts the most,  
>Was being so close...<br>And havin' so much to say,  
>(To say...)<br>And watchin' you walk away..._

"... H-hi Gil..." Matthew said softly, smiling sadly. "I'm... I'm so sorry i haven't been able to visit, I..." He faltered and stared down at the ground, tears blurring his vision.

"I... I've been really busy, Gil." He murmured. "But... But I've never forgotten you." He paused, a hard lump forming in his throat.

"I... You meant the world to me." He whispered. "Heck... You _were_my world." The rain continued to pound down on him relentlessly, but Matthew didn't feel it. "T-today would have been our three year anniversary, can you b-believe it?" He faltered and stared at the ground, his eyes filling with tears.

_And never knowing...  
>What could've been<br>And not seeing that loving you  
>Is what I was tryin' to do...<em>

Matthew broke down, collapsing across the grave, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Gil... Why... WHY! Wh-why did you... Why did you have to... Die..." Matthew gripped the grass beneath him, letting out a wail in utter despair.

"I miss you... I miss you so... much..."

_(Not seeing that loving you..)  
>That's what I was trying to do...<em>

The Canadian stayed there for the rest of the day, crying his heart out over his lost lover.

**Lyrics ('What Hurts the Most') (C) Rascal Flatts.**

**All characters mentioned are copyright to Hidekaz-senpai.**


End file.
